How Babak Rafati conquered depression

You regularly speak in front of many people. What can these people learn from you? Babak Rafati: I want to raise awareness among my audience about depression and burnout - as this can happen not only to a top referee, but is a societal phenomenon. We need to develop preventive strategies so that we do not fall into this dangerous spiral that almost led to my downfall. Mistakes I made are also made by others. What went wrong primarily back then? Rafati: I was under enormous pressure before that night in Cologne - similar to executives in the business world. Of course, I also made mistakes on the field. I was systematically bullied by my two referee superiors. It lasted for 18 months. Today, I advise everyone: in such a situation, seek therapy quickly to avoid the burnout spiral. How did you manage to get out of your depression so quickly? Rafati: My depression was exogenous - caused from the outside - also induced by bullying. The rule of thumb is: the way out takes about as long as the way in. I was in it for 18 months, during which I was humiliated and treated very disrespectfully by the perpetrators. After 18 months of therapy, I had made it. Therapy was like hitting the jackpot for me. What common misconception do so-called strong men often make? Rafati: They do not talk about their weaknesses. But that's wrong. We must openly address our weaknesses, talk about depression, as long as we are not yet in the spiral. Many people have thanked me for showing them a better path as a classic negative example. Ultimately, who is responsible if we fall into depression? Rafati: Although I was heavily and harshly bullied by my referee superiors - and in front of referee colleagues - and fought against it, today I must clearly say: I alone bear the responsibility for the night of my suicide attempt. Actually, no one can hurt us - we only allow ourselves to be hurt. If someone is in this situation, they must seek help quickly to avoid going down this abyss. Seeking help: Is that a key? Rafati: "I need help" is an extremely powerful statement. It can be the beginning of the healing process. It led me to therapy, where I was healed. Especially so-called strong men in leadership positions must realize that they are allowed to admit their weaknesses, that they are allowed to make mistakes - men are also allowed to cry. This liberates and makes us more human. Four years after the Cologne incident, you are a sought-after speaker. Is that your true calling? Rafati: One could say that. After therapy, I decided not to go back but to choose a new path. I no longer referee games and no longer work at a bank. Today, I am a speaker and listed with 20 speaker agencies throughout Europe on the topic of performance pressure and burnout. I want to ensure that what happened to me does not happen to anyone else and I highlight the surprising parallels between elite sports and everyday work life. What speaks for me is that I have a unique selling point: I am a public figure who has made serious mistakes and publicly admits them - so that others do not make the same mistakes. Healthy reactions to unhealthy circumstances are the focus. What is going wrong at the DFB (German Football Association)? Rafati: (laughs) A lot. There are many things I do not like - for example, how homosexuality and depression are handled. We may be world champions in sports, but we need a different culture of admitting mistakes. Those who disclose something should not be judged for it. Have you thought about reconciliation with the DFB? Rafati: Of course. Reconciliation is absolutely important, especially with oneself. Even the two individuals (Note: Rafati refers to the referee bosses Fandel and Krug) whom I once hated, I see differently today. If they were to call me and ask for help, I would walk to Frankfurt on foot. What advice do you have for young people who want to become professional referees? Rafati: That is very interesting, I would also like to do that again - outside of Europe. However, young people must also be aware of the dangers their soul faces in this tough environment. In this regard, they can learn a lot from me.