Every year again - Christmas time comes. And with it, the desire for harmony, love, closeness, peace, joy, and peace rises in many people. We wish each other "Merry Christmas," "peaceful Christmas," and the like. We meet for mulled wine and cookies. We exchange gifts and secretly hope that they will be well received. And yet, especially during the Christmas season with such high expectations, it is often the time when in numerous private relationships and also in companies, the "last straw" is brought about. A wrong word or an inappropriate gesture is enough, especially in this time overloaded with expectations, to change the mood and give rise to arguments and resentment. Here too, the psychologist and communication scientist Friedemann Schulz von Thun is sitting at the table with his sender-receiver model, reminding us to think about the recipient's ears. In companies under pressure to cut costs, the Christmas season is often used to terminate employment contracts. While this may be understandable from a business perspective, in terms of the impact on those affected and the lasting impression they take from their employer, there would be better times to communicate such messages. As the saying goes: You always meet twice in life. Whether Christmas and the Christmas season are "successful" is ultimately also a question of communication style - the appropriate use of rhetoric and body language - both professionally and privately. For this year's Christmas season, the following "Thoughts for Practice" present six of the most important principles for successful communication on the gift plate:
Three basic rules:
- It's not what you mean that matters, but how it is received Imagine you want to do something good for someone from your perspective. However, if, for example, your choice of words and/or the timing of communication are unfortunate, you may achieve the opposite of what you intended. The economist Peter F. Drucker generally advises us to "see through the eyes of the customer" - and "customer" here also stands for "conversation partner of any kind."
- Always tell the truth, but don't always tell the truth For some truths, the timing of their communication is crucial for them to reach the "right ear."
- Maintain eye contact when communicating face-to-face Sounds simple and logical, but in practice, it proves to be quite challenging. And: there is good and bad eye contact.
Three basic techniques:
- I-messages If you want to express your displeasure or criticism to someone, avoid the "verbal finger-pointing" (e.g., "You're late again."). In such situations, you can act more rhetorically skillfully with I-messages. This technique also gives you the option to keep the conversation partner motivated despite criticism and more easily accepting.
- You-perspective When writing "normal" business letters, conveying Christmas greetings, formulating offers, flyers, etc., remember to formulate from the perspective of the recipients using the you-perspective. This is one of the basic rhetorical techniques that leads to special success in selling any situation (selling ideas, products, services, ..., conveying wishes, ...) because it implies that your words are much more effective and personal. Unfortunately, in practice, formulations in the we/I-perspective are usually chosen, which always carries a certain amount of impersonal, distant 08/15 style.
- Asking is better than asserting How often do we assume something about someone that may make sense in our own thoughts, but is completely wrong? In the worst case, "mental movies" develop, and you meet the person and base your communication not on reality but on your imagined/suspected assumptions. Avoid this typical communication trap: Asking instead of asserting/assuming is generally and especially the ultimate solution here.
I wish you and all those close to you a reflective and communicatively successful (pre-)Christmas season. With warm pre-Christmas greetings, Yours Peter A. Worel
