"BUT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL MY TEAM?"
We are standing at the bar in the evening, the CFO of a global company and I. The first day of our big leadership workshop is behind us. 150 employees, a huge room, flip charts, posters, pin boards – filled with processes, ideas, formats. And yet: the core is missing.
Because what hasn’t been said so far is what everyone already feels. The company is on the brink of profound change – everything will change. And the CFO hasn’t said a word about it yet.
He looks exhausted. Torn. And then he looks at me – almost pleadingly – and says, “But what am I supposed to tell them? I don’t know myself.”
I take a deep breath, put my hand on his arm, and say, “Then say exactly that.”
The next morning, we meet in the room. He looks at me and nods. I give him a slot, organize a circle of chairs. 150 people grab chairs from the sides, sit around their CFO, looking puzzled.
Then he speaks. About everything that has moved him since the moment he learned about the change. About the initial disbelief, the subsequent fear for his career that he had built up over the years, his concern for his team, the many sleepless nights, and the physical symptoms.
He talks about the conversations with his wife. About the thoughts of wanting to give it all up. And then he talks about the moment that changed everything. The moment he decided to stay on board. To fight. To lead.
“I don’t know how it will turn out. I can’t give you a guarantee. But I will stay. I will fight. And I will do everything to get through this together. That’s my promise. And I understand anyone who doesn’t want to be part of it. I understand anyone who thinks that’s not enough. And I need everyone who says: Okay! I’m in! I’ll help.”
At that moment, the energy in the room changes. What was previously vague is now tangible. He has shown his cards, he has bared his soul. And that changes everything. Because suddenly, there is something new: Connection. Trust. And – confidence.
This scene was the turning point. After that, we could finally really talk about change.
I later laid a big change curve on the floor – a rope that symbolizes the emotional rollercoaster in change processes. And I invited everyone to position themselves: from resistance, shock, denial, insight, emotional acceptance, experimenting, to integration. And the employees take their place, speak out, make transparent what was on their minds. They are heard, and that feels good.
There is talking. Laughing. And above all: thinking again. Sometimes a single moment of truth is enough to rekindle confidence.
How to Recognize When Leaders Lack Confidence
Confidence is not always loud. But its absence is noticeable. Especially in leadership.
Leaders who do not radiate confidence often appear hesitant. Decisions are postponed, communication remains vague, and team energy decreases. Instead of providing orientation, they send out uncertainty – sometimes between the lines, often quite directly.
Signs may include:
- Focus is on problems rather than solutions.
- Looking backward instead of forward.
- Lack of transparency.
- Conversations are defensive, not connective.
- Decisions are made behind closed doors.
- The body language speaks: restlessness, tension, fatigue.
Because confidence is not just in words – but above all in attitude, expression, and presence.
Our CFO also had to go through this process. In private, he was already one step ahead: The conversation with his wife, the emotional confrontation with his fear, his decision not to just give up – he had gone through all that.
But in his inner leadership image, there was a gap:
“A leader must know what to do. They must know the direction.”
But he didn’t know it. And that was exactly what prevented him from showing his confidence – because he believed it could only come with certainty.
Only when he overcame this hurdle, when he faced his team with his own uncertainty and openly said:
“I don’t know. But I am willing to go through it with you.”
– only then could confidence truly take hold.
This confidence was not artificially created, but deeply rooted. Authentic. Perceptible. And that’s why it was contagious.
His team felt the relief. And followed him – not because he had all the answers.
But because he was willing to carry the questions with them.
Because that’s what modern leadership is: Not knowing everything, but moving forward together. In connection. In responsibility. And with an attitude that says:
“I don’t know how it will end. But I am walking this path – with you.”
How to Recognize Confidence? And Why Is It So Important?
Confidence is not loud. It doesn’t need to prove itself. But when it’s there, it changes everything.
You recognize it by the inner calm amidst the turmoil. By clarity where others see chaos. By the willingness to say: “I don’t have a guarantee – but I am moving forward.”
A confident leader radiates trust – not because they have all the answers, but because they are willing to take responsibility and make themselves visible.
And that has a huge impact. Because people take orientation. Always.
We are herd animals.
And we instinctively look at the person at the top of the hierarchy. Whether in a company or in the wild – the pattern is deeply ingrained in us. As hunters and gatherers, we had to recognize: If someone panics and runs – better follow. And if it’s the leading person of the tribe? No time to lose.
That’s why emotions are contagious.
Our brain is equipped with so-called mirror neurons – they help us unconsciously perceive the emotional state of our counterpart. We scan body language, facial expressions, voice – and adopt what we perceive. If a leader appears calm, open, and energetic, that’s exactly what transfers to the team. If they appear insecure, hectic, or distant – that too.
It’s not what leaders say that matters. It’s how they are. The energy they emit. The presence they have. And that’s why confidence is so powerful:
It works – before words are spoken.
How Do We Develop Confidence?
How Does Confidence Arise?
Confidence is trainable. And it doesn’t start in the team or the company. It starts with one’s own attitude and self-leadership.
1. Growth Mindset – I Just Can’t Do It Yet
The concept of Growth Mindset, shaped by Carol Dweck, is based on the idea that we can grow through effort and learning. Saying “I just can’t do it yet” opens the door to development rather than being stuck in fear.
2. Self-Leadership through Mindfulness
Regular meditation (e.g., 15 minutes daily) has been proven by studies from Barbara Fredrickson to positively influence resilience and emotional experiences. Mindfulness – conscious breathing, intentional pausing, digital detox – brings us out of alarm mode and back into self-efficacy.
3. Success Journal & Visualization
Write down what you have already accomplished in your life. Create a slide or poster with your greatest milestones. Hang it up or frame it. This will remind you of your strength!
4. Cold Showers & Ice Baths
Cold stimuli can have a calming, clarifying, and grounding effect, especially when facing high internal tension or neuroticism. Starting the day with a cold shower builds strength.
5. Don’t Take Thoughts for Reality
Not everything you think is true. Observe your thoughts. Question them. Take away their power. Only those who reduce the noise in their head can hear their own voice again.
Conclusion: Confidence Is an Active Process
Confidence is something that comes naturally to only a few leaders – for most, it’s a force that needs to be actively built. It’s like a muscle that grows with regular training. But the more it’s trained, the stronger it becomes. And confident leadership is contagious. It not only changes one’s own life but also that of everyone around them: the teams, the employees, the family!
The most important thing: Confidence doesn’t start with changing the world around you but with changing your own attitude. The path to genuine confidence begins with taking control of your own reaction to challenges and welcoming changes with a positive, solution-oriented mindset.
After all, life here in the middle of Germany is safe. There’s no war; it’s not about life and death. Professionally, it’s NEVER about that! It’s about jobs, change, growth. And fortunately, we are in a position to shape these changes ourselves. We should be grateful for that. That’s why I always tell my children over and over: “It always ends well. And if it’s not good yet, then it’s not finished.”
ABOUT VAYA WIESER-WEBER
Vaya Wieser-Weber is a keynote speaker, co-managing partner of the Hamburg-based agency Impulspiloten GmbH, author, and podcaster ("Good Life, Good Business") – and brings movement and change to organizational development processes. Since 2018, she has been on the board of the German Speakers Association and, since 2024, also the head of studies at the GSA Academy. Vaya lives with her family, including two teenagers, in Kitzbühel – between mountains, books, and stages.