Criticism as the high school of communication

Successful relationships are always based on effective communication, whether in a company, on a sports team, or in a marriage. Communication is the greatest challenge and at the same time the most important skill when it comes to building strong relationships. This is an experience I have gained in over two decades as a coach in professional sports – and sometimes it has unfortunately been very painful. Many leaders, whether in sports or in business, proclaim a "open-door policy" to signal transparency and willingness to communicate to their team. However, this easily deteriorates into a facade of peace and harmony if it does not also include a willingness to address conflicts and the commitment of partners to learn from discussions and tackle resulting changes with determination. Only when this happens can communication be deemed successful.

“Depersonalize” Criticism

The perception and processing of a conversation in which an employee is criticized is the ultimate gauge of how the leader and especially their communication skills are assessed. The leader can avoid serious communication mistakes in this challenge by adhering to some principles. When wanting to address criticism, one should choose a constructive communication approach. I recommend the following framework: "I am/I think…, when…, because…" I would like to provide an example from my time as a professional basketball coach: "I am disappointed when you take an unprepared shot shortly after the attack, because it is detrimental to our offensive rhythm." This approach has served me well in communicating with my players. Here, communication channels remain open because the criticism is directed at the player's behavior and not their person or personality. The player's dignity remains intact, and communication is fair.

Behavioral Change for the Benefit of the Team as the Goal

I communicate that "I" am disappointed because I want to clarify my standpoint as a conversation partner. I do not need to hide behind anyone, and "we" or "one" leaves too much room for interpretation. Then, in this communication, I describe an action of the player and do not attribute negative qualities to them. Finally, I speak of "our" offensive rhythm to demonstrate the consequences of the behavior for the team and thereby sharpen the player's sense of responsibility towards the team (and not towards me). Leaders should describe in their communication what they observe and experience and what impact it has on their team. Many people tend to fundamentally misunderstand criticism as an attack on their person. However, criticism always includes a statement about the relationship ("You are important to me") and thus a form of appreciation. Criticism also signals that I believe in my counterpart's ability to develop for the better. Not every conversation partner finds it easy to accept this immediately. But if we as leaders "depersonalize" criticism, the likelihood is significantly higher that our communication will not be misunderstood as a personal attack. This creates the foundation to achieve what we want: Behavioral change for the benefit of the conversation partner and the entire team.