Psychologist Evelyn Summhammer is increasingly identifying problematic personalities in domestic offices and executive suites. In her new book, she shows how to maintain composure in the face of complainers, know-it-alls, and troublemakers.
Is the impression deceiving, or is it actually the case that anger and discontent in the office - or generally in the work environment - are perceived to be on the rise? I have been working in this field as a psychologist for 25 years now, and I must say that for about five years, it has been increasingly not just the more or less normal, usual office annoyances, but rather severe rifts. I am increasingly confronted with sleep disorders and other more serious symptoms that are attributable to this. This has to do with the fact that there are more and more difficult personalities among both colleagues and bosses, with whom many simply can't cope anymore. You have developed a kind of typology of problematic personalities in the workplace. How would you describe the most important of these characters and their effects? In my book, I deal with the commonly occurring characters in practice and what they cause. For example, there is the know-it-all who constantly gets on everyone's last nerve: You work diligently and with effort to achieve a result, and then comes this know-it-all who can never be satisfied with anything. Also, the complainer or the eternal pessimist create such a permanent negative atmosphere and drag their colleagues down in this way. But there are probably even more aggressive types? These include power-hungry individuals. They go a step further and use unfair means. Their goal is to exert power over others, to outdo them. Such a person will always try to sell a good result achieved together as solely their own merit. Winning at any cost is their aim, and they will do anything for it, whether aggressively or by siphoning off knowledge. What about self-satisfied behavior? Is vanity a problem? Especially in leadership positions, I notice a flood of narcissists. They place themselves above others and constantly humiliate them with their behavior – except for other narcissists and even bigger alpha-narcissists. Is there a pattern for how these personalities develop? Everyone has their own upbringing and imprinting. It is important to understand this. Because only when we recognize the intentions behind a behavior can we deal with it and react purposefully. And how should one react to these difficult personalities? Firstly, understand why someone is acting that way, and then distance yourself personally. This means realizing that their actions are not directed against you personally, but that they are acting for themselves and their needs. But it doesn't sound easy when you are boiling with anger over the nasty person. The majority of those affected actually take the behavior of the other person very personally. This carries the great danger that it will escalate. And that makes it easy for the opponent. Above all, it also does not lead to any solution. Therefore, you should always ask yourself how you can best deal with the situation and how you want to get out of it. Tell yourself "I don't care." So remove emotions, stay calm. Be aware that you will never be able to change the other person and that it cannot be your responsibility to treat an employee or even your boss. What is the problem with confrontation? Shouldn't conflicts be resolved? This is very problematic with these difficult personalities because if you enter into the conflict, you are entering their system. This is only draining and pointless because – as mentioned – you will not change them by doing so. What alternative do you recommend then? Behave like an observer. Imagine you are standing on a balcony and observing from there – from a distance – the performance that the problematic personality is putting on. It is always a question of individual behavior whether you get into conflict with such a difficult person. Some people get sick with anger over the problem bears, others engage in futile battles with them – is there an alternative? Yes, there is. If you work with someone like that, you must consider how to still achieve your goals. Especially if it is an individual difficult person and the work environment is otherwise fundamentally fine. To a certain extent, everyone is difficult. The problem with some people is a particularly high manifestation in a very specific point. But you can even use that and guide such a person towards a specific goal with deliberate situational self-management. How can this be done, especially when the situation is already very difficult? It needs to be trained. Often behavior in certain situations is shaped by past experiences. Then you have to consciously act against this imprinting, you have to control your instinct. Different types of people have typical behaviors. If you gradually adjust to them, you can handle the situations more calmly with self-management and targeted conversation guidance and improve cooperation. Recommend via WhatsApp(only possible with smartphone) Interview with Evelyn Summhammer (TREND, 2016)
