Emotions applied correctly will put you in the fast lane.

What I had to learn myself, when we have conversations in business as well as sometimes in private, where we should react, it is wise to hold back with emotions as much as possible. Or we go in the other direction and use emotions deliberately. Our goal should be to protect our interests and take away a reasonable result from the conversation. If we become uncontrollably emotional, it costs us a lot of time and generates a lot of thematic detours. So, if you are already emotional, then use your emotions correctly. This can also enable you to have successful conversations. You may be familiar with this. When discussing a topic and suddenly other issues arise in the conversation. Topics that you did not expect and are not prepared for. During the discussion, you then no longer know what you are talking about with your conversation partner. But why is that? Well. This happens when emotions come into play. When your conversation partner feels touched in their emotions. They can feel praised, attacked, judged, loved, criticized, or generate other emotions through us. But this also applies to you. You also generate various emotions for yourself and are then forced to deal with them in the conversation. You may be successful in a conversation, but in emails or other written exchanges, it becomes much more complicated because we have much more room for interpretation. We only read the words and do not know the current emotional state of the email author. With words alone, we can evoke a variety of emotions. There are even studies and research projects on this. One of the most famous projects on this topic is the Magellan project. It is an international research project on measuring linguistically triggered emotions. The aim is to measure the corresponding emotional associations for the most common terms in different languages. This also applies to the level at which we touch our conversation partner or they touch us. A well-known representative of these studies is the psychologist Charles E. Osgood. In the 1950s and 1960s, he researched affective connotations in over 20 different languages and cultures. The aim is to identify the feelings associated with words. In his research results, Dr. Osgood then categorized the feelings into three levels.

The first level is Valence.

In this level, it is important whether an emotion is pleasant or unpleasant. How do we feel about it? Do we feel more attracted or repelled by something? It is crucial that in this level, we decide whether an event, a story, or the spoken words are good or bad for us. We also decide about our conversation partner here and immediately put them in a like/dislike category by unconsciously asking ourselves whether we like someone or not. All these feelings, such as whether our conversation partner is likable or not, are questioned here. Conversely, if we have a negative feeling, we may not want to have a conversation with that person.

The second level is Potency.

The second aspect of our emotions concerns feelings of weakness or strength. For example, fear is a weak or weakening feeling. Anger, on the other hand, is a feeling that strengthens us. We feel better and dare more. When speaking with someone or engaging in written communication, our subconscious always wonders whether we control the situation and whether we have everything under control in the conversation. Therefore, we unconsciously always ask ourselves whether the other person is superior to us, whether we meet "eye to eye," or whether I am even stronger. This assessment is also called "Fight or Flight." But more on that in another blog of mine.

The third and final level is Arousal.

Our feelings differ in how much arousal (or "activation") is associated with them. For example, "satisfaction" is something very relaxed and keeps us in a calm balance, while "excitement" is full of energy and makes us much more capable. Here, too, "Fight or Flight" comes into play. Because biologically, the readiness of the organism to fight or flee is behind this emotional dimension: in short, we constantly ask ourselves whether we need to react quickly and take action, or whether we can remain calm and relaxed. In communication with others, you can, for example, recognize calmness in a slow speaking speed or low facial expression activity, while a high speaking speed, varied intonation, or strong use of gestures indicate an aroused state and a quick readiness to react. Decades of research have shown that these dimensions reappear time and again, whether studying language, emotional images, body language, or even brain waves. In psychology, there is now almost a "fundamental law of feelings." Armed with this knowledge, you can consciously shape your communication, whether verbal or written. But do not forget about intrinsic communication. Everything you formulate in your thoughts immediately influences your emotional state. Thus, you influence not only your conversation partner but also, and primarily, yourself. It is like a cycle. If you think differently than you speak, your conversation partner will instinctively notice that your emotions are not real and will not take them seriously. And just like that, you become the second in the conversation. If you want to convince someone, including yourself, with emotions, consider the following sentences.

"This way you can be sure that..."

"This way you definitely don't take any risks that..."

Both sentences contain a very similar statement. But how do these sentences affect your emotional world and that of your conversation partner? Which statement could be more convincing? What do you think? Every word, every signal (body language) that we perceive is emotionally evaluated by us. There is a whole cascade of processes deep in the hidden recesses of our brains, which we usually do not notice (unconsciously), but which have a significant impact on our decisions. In essence, an emotional balance is established, or to put it simply: Which statement receives more positive emotional points from me? Interpretation One: The first two words do not yet have any particular emotional relevance. The word "you" already has a positive effect, which is strongly surpassed by the word "sure," before the statement then ends in the neutral range. Emotional balance: Positive. Interpretation Two: Here, too, the first words do not yet have emotional relevance. The statement "you definitely" is rated positively, but then it happens: The word "no" has a clearly negative emotional effect, which is then surpassed by the word "risk." Emotional balance: Slightly negative. And the result is that in the second case, a "queasy feeling in the stomach" remains, with no trace of conviction. Neither in yourself nor in your conversation partner. Take a few minutes to look at some sentences you have written in your emails. Evaluate them based on the three levels and give them a balance. Positive and negative words. This way, you will quickly realize what you can improve in your communication.

If you are interested in this topic, I offer you to inform yourself on the internet about Fight or Flight. But I also look forward to a personal message from you and would be very happy to welcome you to one of my seminars and lectures. Enjoy analyzing.

Peter Gastberger