How to Use Eye Contact as a Door Opener for Successful Communication in Times of Digitalization
Just Let Your Gaze Wander
A few days ago, I noticed a young man in a café at the main train station. He was sitting in an armchair, holding a cup of something in his hand, and looking out the window. He was neither absorbed in his smartphone nor had a laptop open in front of him. He wasn't even listening to music. I briefly considered whether this untimely behavior already had sociopathic traits. Indeed, direct eye contact between strangers in public is rather rare in the age of digitalization. In a world full of screens, there is hardly any room for a real moment. The young man calmly observed people passing by the window or sitting in the café. When someone looked at him, the young man held the gaze for a few seconds without being intrusive. He smiled slightly and then shifted his visual focus. This not only appears impressively communicative but also very likable.
Science Dives Deeper: The Magical Three Seconds of Eye Contact
My research group and I have published several studies on the emotional perception of facial expressions through eye contact. I have always wondered how long one can directly look at someone of interest today without intruding upon them. Evolutionary biologist Irven DeVore is said to have once stated that people who stare at each other for more than six seconds are likely to fight or mate. I'm not sure if a street café would be the right place to test this hypothesis in a field experiment. However, it is a fact that prolonged eye contact creates a special form of "intimacy" that some people hardly mind, while others find it intrusive. Not a good start to successful communication, regardless of digitalization. A research group at UCL in London delved into this question: 500 participants were asked to rate different individuals they looked at for varying lengths of time in terms of likability. In the experiment, the individuals were actors who had been trained in maintaining eye contact for different durations. The result: The optimal eye contact duration averaged at 3.3 seconds (±0.7 seconds). An interesting side finding was that the faster the participants' pupils dilated, the more likable they found longer eye contacts. An open pupil thus signaled: You may look at me longer. To be able to recognize this, however, you would have to get very close to the person in the café. I tried it once. No likability points. It's better to refrain from it.
Keeping Your Eyes Open for Successful Communication
But why not try an open and friendly gaze on the tram or in a supermarket? Maintain your friendly eye contact for about three seconds. Staring for too long can sometimes feel like a stare-down. On the other hand, too short eye contact can come across as unfriendly or even awkward. Don't worry if you don't get the timing right at first, leave your stopwatch aside. With some practice, you'll get a good feel for it. You will see that with the right duration, you usually hit the mark. Because eye contact works. Nothing opens the channels of communication to our counterpart as much as a friendly gaze. Even in digital times, give your fellow human beings the most valuable thing you can give - your moment!
