Suggestive Levers – Manipulation through Suggestions, but done right!
It was a Monday morning, 8:45 am. Fifty executives of a company entered the room one by one and found a suitable place to be able to follow the seminar as best as possible. Four days of training awaited the minds of the company. It had been scheduled by the three board members to improve the mood of the 3000 employees in the company. I started the seminar with a welcome and the following words:
“I look into faces with different levels of experience here. Some of you surely know that this seminar will provide you with valuable insights that will make personnel management easier for you, thus saving you a lot of time. Others of you, who have been supervisors for a long time, may suspect that these four days could be a waste of time. (...) I have agreed with your three board members that during the lunch break, you may leave the seminar hotel if by then you are not convinced that this seminar will make your work as a leader easier and simpler. You will personally inform me and return to your workplace. But, beware: I do not want anyone to judge the person who leaves this event. Because that is their right! I have negotiated this specifically for you with the management!”
After that, I started my seminar. What do you think, dear readers, how many executives left after lunch? Correct: Not a single one!
As you progress through this module, you will understand the magical power in your presentation and how you can increase your credibility. You will learn the secrets of directing people and how they will follow you – just like that.
You manipulate, whether you want to or not. As soon as you enter a room where employees are present, you significantly change the mood. To put it in similar words to Paul Watzlawick: You cannot "not manipulate." On the following pages, you will learn the advantage of learning
exactly that. I don't care how you call it: manipulation, motivation, influence, steering, suggesting, hypnotizing, or simply influencing the thoughts of your employees. You will also learn how responsible it can be to use your influence when you do it
right. Is that interesting?
What are Suggestions?
The word suggestion can be traced back to the Latin word "
suggestio" and means something like suggestion, inspiration, or instigation. Suggestions are sensory perceptions that influence our thinking, feeling, and actions. When you read the words:
Black Forest Cake, if you like this cake, your mouth may water. On the other hand, if you have an allergy to cream cakes or cherries, or if you don't particularly like them, the thought may rather stress you out. Suggestions trigger memories that evoke an individual reaction. Depending on the experience you associate with a suggestion, your feelings change abruptly.
I will now introduce you to some essential psychological basics and behaviors that will allow you to lead and direct your employees much easier and with more joy, without having to overcome the usual resistance.
Your Inner Attitude Decides
Conclusive communication only takes place when people look
into each other's eyes. Do liars perhaps avoid eye contact for this reason? Is it possibly a reflexive protective mechanism so that the other person cannot synchronize with them and they are not exposed? Someone who is honest with you will look you directly in the eyes. An open gaze guarantees open communication. This is how respectful interaction begins. Respect is the most crucial resource in dealing with people. René Borbonus, one of the most important German-speaking communication trainers, says that respectful interaction begins with seeing and perceiving the other person. Especially in failure, we want to be seen. Only when, as a leader, you address your employee's distress actively and appreciatively, can you then discuss mistakes and strive for a joint solution:
"I see that this situation is affecting you" – pause – "am I right?"
– wait for a pause and response –
"Then let's talk about what we can actively do now to defuse the situation."
In such moments, we all tend – not just as leaders – to ask
why questions or
suggestive questions. With these types of questions, we already know the answers. Like René Borbonus, I also believe that this type of communication is degrading and causes deep wounds. Reflect on how you would feel if you were asked the following sample questions:
"Why aren't you doing it the way I showed you?"
"Why isn't the coffee ready yet?"
"Why did your project fail?"
With these questions, it is noticeable that there are no sensible answers, only justifications. With these questions, we back the person into a corner – degrading! Instead of asking a question, it would be advisable to make a respectful statement that can lead to open communication:
"I am frustrated that the project failed."
"I need the coffee as soon as possible."
Attention! Do not fall into the trap and still ask a why-question:
"I am wondering, Mr. Maier, why your project failed."
Even when it comes to the topic of
suggestive levers, so-called suggestive questions are harmful. They are intended to bluntly suggest an answer to the respondent:
"Don't you also think that ...?"
"Do you also have the impression that ...?" A sure sign of a nasty suggestive questioning is that they are absolutely closed. They allow only one word as an answer, and the answer is already predetermined. I believe that the term suggestion is negatively perceived by many because of the term
suggestive question – what a shame! Utilize the power of statements and name the current situation.
My tip: Question your inner attitude towards your employees and clarify inner resistances. Because if you reject employees or unspoken problems hinder your mutual relationship, communication between you suffers. Instead of asking
why questions or suggestive questions in difficult situations, practice describing the current situation and continuing the conversation in a solution-oriented manner. This way, you demonstrate your sovereignty and make it clear that you are in control of the situation. That's exactly what employees expect from their superiors – rightfully so!
How Suggestions Work
“But, beware: I do not want anyone to judge the person who leaves this event. Because that is their right! I have negotiated this specifically for you with the management!”
Do you recognize the suggestion I introduced to the 50 executives? Each of us knows from childhood how bad it was to be judged poorly by others. Were you ever teased in school? Each of us must have had at least one negative reference experience in the past, having suffered for a wrong decision. Through the previous suggestions that colleagues might react negatively, the decision to leave the seminar is significantly influenced. In this four-day executive training, it worked excellently at least. Suggestions steer our internal programs, just like a computer. Everything stored on our hard drive can be activated. If someone smiles at you, it directly triggers your existing social program, and you will smile back. If someone extends their hand to greet you, you will reciprocate the gesture. Try refusing their hand once. It feels very strange. This little test shows the resistance needed to fight against our internal programming. It could lead to a conflict, and who consciously wants that? You possess an immeasurable storage of consciously or unconsciously made experiences.
How you can use and influence this storage of your employees, customers, and fellow human beings, you will learn in my book.
I wish you much success!
For more information on Winfried Schröter and suggestions, visit here:
http://www.trainers-excellence.de/redner/winfried-schroeter.html
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