As a rule of thumb, you can remember: The more important the topic and the more emotions are involved for you or the other person, the closer I have to get to the other person. By this, I don't mean that you should get right up in their face, but that an email is not enough. It should be at least a phone call so that the other person can hear my tone. Even better, a personal meeting. Why? As most people now know, we cannot only communicate on the factual level and 90% of communication does not happen with toneless words. Even if the email appears toneless, we read it with a tone in our own head. However, this tone in the vast majority of cases is not the one the sender had in mind when writing the email. This was examined by Justin Kruger. In "Egocentrism Over E-Mail: Can We Communicate as Well as We Think?" (Kruger et al., 2005), he summarizes his findings. It becomes clear that not only do we misjudge what the emotional undertone of the email is that the sender had in mind, but we are also particularly confident that the other person will understand the tone of the email correctly that we write (although this is usually not the case).
For two reasons: First, we hear our tone when writing the text, and second, it is difficult for us to empathize with others. Here, the lack or deficiency of empathy comes into play again. When writing the email, we are more focused on ourselves than on empathizing with others. This is understandable and unfortunately often leads to problems. Of course, email is one of the main communication and information tools at work. However, if it concerns important matters, or if a conflict is looming, then pick up the phone or, even better and hopefully soon, come by in person. This is written by Justin Kerr in his book "How to Be Great at Your Job" (Justin Kerr, 2018), among other things. He was a C-level executive at companies like Levi's, Gap, and Old Navy. In other words, he probably writes more emails faster than most people can dictate one, and that's precisely why he goes in person when it's important.
Conclusion:
• We are bad at assessing how and if the emotional tone of our email is understood.
• We always read an email with our voice in mind, this tone gives the text its emotional message. However, this is not necessarily the one the sender had in mind.
• Differences are not resolved by emails but rather exacerbated.
• The more important the matter, the more personal contact is needed.
Here you can find more valuable communication tips. or download the free e-book: "The 5 Most Common Communication Mistakes in Hospitals" here. Even if you are not a doctor, you will be surprised to see what can be done better here.